What I’m Taking with me from the pandemic into a post-pandemic world (when we get there…)

It’s been almost a year since we’ve been on lockdown. The world has shut down, opened up and halfway shut down again.  We’ve gone on scavenger hunts for toilet paper and collectively, tried to keep that quarantine 15 at bay (read how I did so here!) We’ve learned how to rock the hell out of a mask and have probably spent more time in Target than ever before. 

But as we transition into the one-year anniversary of this pandemic, I’ve been reflecting over what exactly I’ve learned from the lockdown and what are some key of the things I’m taking with me into a post-pandemic world (when we get there….) 

Sitting in your healing is just as important as getting to the healing. I’ve always been an advocate for therapy.  I think the first time I sought therapy was in my early 20’s when trying to understand my anxiety and figure out my triggers.  In fact, prior to the pandemic, I’d been in therapy for quite some time.  Due to the day-to-day of being a working mom, often times I’d have my sessions during my lunch break and then find myself quickly shifting gears to get back to work.  If it wasn’t during lunch, it was somewhere stuck between homework and after school activities, where I was distracted and looking at the clock. The moments I needed to sit in my healing weren’t there because of the constant need to shift back; the shifting to the next activity, the next gear.  What the pandemic has afforded me, is the “sitting.” The actual ability to do the work, as they say.  Finding a therapist is only half the work.  These days, I take time to sit with my thoughts.  Whether meditating on a singular point that resonated with me from my session or spending time journaling my feelings, I understand that my healing is my own. Today, my sessions feel fuller and more intentional now that I actually sit in the healing space.

No rest for the weary.  That adage is out the door for me!  Whoever normalized that we, especially women, need to keep working, keep moving even though we’re drained and “at capacity,” couldn’t anticipate that the world would shut down as it has, forcing us to collectively, sit still. In the beginning, I had so much anxiety.  The constant feeling that I was supposed to be doing something was driving me insane. It’s not until I leaned into not having anywhere to go, or anything to do, that my anxiety began to dissipate. On those days where I felt less anxious, it was because I rested.  Not necessarily sleeping, but feet the up, glass of wine, Tracy Chapman in the background type rest. The guilt free lounging helped me understand how much rest I had been depriving myself.  My body feels renewed.  My spirit and anxiety, lighter. Rest – for the weary for sure.

Deeper conversations. Deeper friendships. Bonding with friends over mimosas and syrupy waffles or over late-night tacos and margaritas seems like a distant memory.  My small circle and I have gotten very creative in how we spend time and show up for each other, while trying to protect ourselves and our loved ones from the virus.  The weekly ZOOM check ins where we discuss a movie we watched “together” or discussing how the racial injustices are truly affecting our hearts, have allowed us to connect on much deeper level.  There are perspectives shared and life experiences that we have discussed, that has allowed me to truly see them each on a deeper level.  Without all of the “noise” from the outside world, we are able have deeper conversations.  We share more. We experience our friendship differently. It’s deeper, from a more connected place and for that – I’m grateful.

Creating safer spaces.  As a mom, it feels weird to admit that prior to the pandemic I don’t think I truly knew or understood  my child. I knew the basic things that most parents know and understand about their children, but much like deepening my relationships with my mental health and my friendships, the quiet time of the pandemic has allowed me to truly get to know the thoughts behind those beautiful brown eyes staring back at me.  In spending pure and genuine quality time with my son, I’ve gotten more than the glimpses I saw before.  I noticed that there were certainly missed opportunities connecting with my son.  I spent most of my time DOING, for him. The mom guilt settles in when I think of all the questions that went unasked because he saw that I was busy.  I realize, I too could have been asking him deeper questions than I had been.  If I’m honest, I was nervous about spending all of this time together, but I see that what this stillness has blessed is this time for pure and genuine connection with my son.  I soak up watching his big personality flourish.  I admire how creative he’s becoming. I learn from him through the honest and real questions that he now feels safe to ask.  It’s a safer space and we’re better to each other because of it.   

Say Yes to Self-Care.  In a previous post, I mentioned that I never saw my mom take care of herself by way of self-care. As it would have it, I didn’t really focus much on my own either, pre-pandemic. When it did take place, it was something I usually breezed through on Sundays.  My self-care practice in the last year, has taken on an entirely new look though. Not only has it become so consistent, that my son will see my face massager on my night table and know exactly what time it is (if you haven’t purchased one yet, you have no idea what you’re missing), but I’ve also now gotten in the habit of doing something mid-week. It’s the self-care Wednesday vibes, that gets me to and through the week.  Sometimes it’s a long bath and 90’s R&B.  Other times, it’s an intense work, eucalyptus candles and meditation.  The point is, say yes to taking care of yourself!

This year has been a trip to say the least! It’s been a struggle trying to navigate for sure and well, we’re all basically waiting to see what this next year has in store.  Will it go back to how it was before pre-virus – perhaps not. Will what we’ve been calling the “new normal” be here to stay for a while – maybe.  Most of us are just over this whole pandemic, but as we wait to see how this all pans out, let’s hold on to the small things we may have gained this year.  Let’s be intentional and continue our healing and deepen connections. Get glass of wine, and massage your face trust me!)

Be encouraged!

Be intentional!

And continue to stay safe!